The past 2 weeks - especially the last 5 days - have been a roller coast of emotions. Up, down, in, out, upside down and finally - right side up!
Yesterday morning there was a much needed peace in my soul. My body felt better. Last night I slept well. The striving I had been through was producing a calm.
Oh the storm my wage around me, but I'm okay.
Physically, I feel so much better! I was running around at practice last night without pain! Woo-hoo! When I took the downstairs two at a time without my knees grinding, it was a great feeling!
Sunday night's praise service ended with Benjie giving a word that "someone is striving with God and that's a good thing. You're in a good place." I knew it was me and wept as we sang "it is well with my soul!" I was striving with God: where are you! why are you waiting! where is your hand! But I knew my soul was well - in fact it was excellent!
Just like our children push our boundaries, sometimes we must push ours with our Heavenly Father. Our children are wanting to know that we are a safe place; that we love them. We want to know that from God, too.
Parenting is full of oxymorons. The one that hit me the hardest was telling me child, "I love you so much, I will let you fall. Because in the fall you learn how to land. In the landing you learn how to sit. In the sitting you find you're okay. When you are okay, you can get up. And in the getting up, you learn perseverance. And perseverance builds character. And your character builds hope! And Hope will never fail you!!!" (Romans 5:3)
God loves me so much, He's willing to let me be tired, in pain and strive with him. He is teaching me that my Hope is in Him! Not my job or the economy. Not in my family. Not in my church. In Him!
Thank you Father!