Monday, February 2, 2009


Grief comes in many forms. Often it comes in multiple waves. It can be over small things or life-changing events. It can manifest itself as anger or tiny tears down your cheek.

No one has the right to tell another person their grief is unwarranted. Or that they should "move on." Each person's time of grief is different in length, duration and severity.

Do not insult a person but trivializing their grief. After the death of a loved one, "at least they are at peace." After a car wreck, "it could have been much worse." Or even when a precious tea cup is broken, "you have so many more."

My friend is in grief. She lost her possession in a tragedy - yet not in one simple swipe, and it's all gone. No, she must grieve the initial insult on her family's home and haven. Then she must grieve as she sifts through the rubble. She must grieve each time she decides, "can I salvage this or is not now trash?" She must grieve each time someone else asks her what they should do with the remains of memories they were not apart of yet now hold in their hands. She grieves as she leaves the shell of a house each day only to return and begin the process again.

I grieve with her. For the memories lost. For the pain she must feel. For the conflict in her heart as she celebrates that her family is still alive and yet struggles with the reality of their loss.

Only possessions, some may say. Yet are they willing to throw everything they own into a dumpster and begin again tomorrow with nothing? They can be replaced, others nod. Can she return to each antique store or vacation knick-knack shop and relieve the moment a child found a precious treasure? Not quite.

But I will stand beside. Lift her arms when she grows weary. Love her. And as the grief subsides, we will make new memories! New teddy bears with new meaning. New tea cups with girlfriends.
And when the grief comes again, we will cry together. For although the Lord will bless again, only in Heaven will we known complete restoration.

Love you, friend.


  1. Thanks for the reminder. I know that some times it is easy to think that people need to get over their grief faster - especially when we are not grieving.

  2. wow. you said it girlfriend. grief is a lifetime of memories remembered, let go and remembered again. thank you for expressing my feelings so eloquently. you should be a writer, you know!
    xx, c