March 1, 2011. An easy date to remember. Up early. Drove with a friend and her daughter and my Ashley to Denver. Lunch in Monument. Kohl's. Doctor's appointment. Cast. Dinner with friends. Back to the Hotel.
The hotel. That's when I started feeling yucky. Like a bad cold coming on.
Up early the next day for the Baby's appointments. Yeah for GPS! Not lost once! Then back to Children's for the CP clinic - not planned but a good thing. Listen. Wait. Talk. Listen. Wait. Exhausted. Drove to a bookstore. Saw friends. Dinner at Qdoba. Ice cream at Cold Stone. Back to the Hotel. So tired!
Drive home. Cough. Sniff.
Next day. Worse.
Flu, I thought.
Nope. RSV. Respiratory syncytial virus. Bad news for me.
May 1st, started coughing again. Yucky stuff.
God and I have been doing some serious talking. I've got things to do! I've spent too much time down! My kids need me. My friends and I have plans. I have two classes at church to organize. My husband would like to see me awake in the evenings and not passed out from exhaustion, medications - or both!
A friend just asked me, "What has God been saying?"
"Shhh. Peace. Be still. Know me. Knowing me is more important than anything!"
I am seeing that without illness, as frightening and inconvenient as it may be, I would never know God as my healer. Without need, I would never know him as my provider. Without trials I would never know his great mercy. I would not lean on him. I would be sufficient in myself.
And I am far from self-sufficient!
I need Him. For each breath. For each movement. For each day.
I want Him. Beside me. Around me. Surrounding me. Holding me.
I will trust Him. He has no plans to harm me. Only to draw me closer to His side.
What is God saying to you? Are you listening?