Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Better Place

It must be obvious from recent posts that I've been in a weird place.  God takes us through growing seasons;  different lessons to learn at different stages of life.

When I was probably 10 years I began having trouble sleeping.  My mind raced!  It was great for my creativity.  I would lay in bed and write stories and songs in my mind.  I would read late at night.  I can remember vividly seeming how many things I could think about at once.  I thought this was normal.

In college, I learned that not everyone's mind acts in this fashion!  In band, I found it fascinating that I could read music, my fingers play the notes and my mind be studying something else.  I used to keep a  study sheet on my music stand so I could review notes during band.  Again, I learned that not everyone could "multi-task" like this.

Coping skills have abounded in my life and years ago realized it was Adult ADD - not ADHD - there's not a hyper bone in my body - just in my mind!  I've taken medications off and on to help.  There are times of insomnia and a racing mind, but at least  I know I'm not crazy!  I once remember telling a doctor, "I don't want you to think I'm crazy.  I don't hear other voices in my head, just my own voice carrying on many conversations."

There are times I question God's design.  Sometimes I've felt worthless or ineffective and have struggled with this feeling of insignificance.  How can God use a defective tool?

Two very good friends who once shared an office with me have probably showed me the post patience!  When I'm wound up, I can sound like machine gun talking!    I become even more emphatic in my opinions (yes that is possible).  Thanks Girls!

Anyway, this is what I've struggled with lately.  Finding my own purposed beyond the obvious.

With my computer being on the outs (I'm using my daughter's!), I've resorted to hand-writing my journal.  In frustration I begin writing:

"A brilliant mind!  Yeah right.  Going all the time.  Brilliant like a diamond, a multi-facted object that reflects light at any angle. . ."  Here God began talking to me.

Yes.  A diamond.

Ever seen a raw diamond.  Pretty ugly.  They are born under extreme heat and pressure.  They may be buried deep in the earth or in some places, lay on top of the soil.  In the raw, they do not resemble anything precious.

It takes a master craftsman to take that ugly rock, put it under his knife and began to chisel away imperfections.  Sometimes the cuts are big and ugly - just get the gunk off.  Sometimes they are precise and tedious.  Painful?   But to be a piece of art, this diamond must be examined, turned, cut;  it must endure the Master's hand.  He alone sees the finished project in his mind's eye.  He alone knows what cuts are required to perfect his Master piece.

The facets are designed - they are purposeful.  They are numerous, flat aspects to the gemstone.  They reflect the light of in various directions, in different colors.  They make it sparkle!

I heard God telling me that morning: those facets which are my numerous thoughts are used by God for his reflection.  I am not a one-dimensional person.  I have many sides.  Numerous cuts.  Some by God.  Some by life's circumstances that God has taken and with his precision hand, cut and polished and worked into His design.

And, what's at the bottom of this diamond?  A point!  God has a point for me.  He will use my facets.  He will polish me.   Sometimes, He provides rest and let's me take a breather.  Other time, he puts me under his intense light and let's me Sparkle!

I'm staying in the Master's cutting table.  I hope you know what God has a design for you, too.  Nothing is by accident.  No pain is too great that he cannot take it and make a beautiful adornment.

Hmmmm. . .  maybe this explains my fascination with diamond jewelry!  Rings, solitaires, necklaces. 

Just maybe. . ..


  1. So should I tell David that diamonds are your gift of choice this Christmas?? =)

    Love you sweet friend - and btw, had so much talking yesterday, love spending time with you!! xo

  2. Kim, this is really a great post. I am right there with you. I was reminded by a great friend that God is constantly refining us. Making us better. It's not always, fun or easy but in our refinement we see our need for him to be greater. How good is that. Love you sweet friend. The many facets of who you are and your gifts makes for knowing you a complete blessing to me. Love you, Jen