Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Things We Dread the Most

A new member of the household.

When Ashley had her stroke, it was funny the things that bothered me. Like Shoes. I cried in every shoe department. Because of her braces and her affected walk, she would never wear all the cute little shoes I saw. Mules, high heels, ballet slippers, flip-flops, etc.

When her forehead skin was different colors (don't ask why - they don't know - but it looked like white butterflies on her forehead), that bothered me. She was so beautiful and I wanted people to see her beauty, not the splotches.

I hated for her to wear her arm and leg braces in public after one old biddy cooed over her infant seat in a store, "honey, what did your momma do to you?" I got over it eventually and we have boxes of braces.

But mostly I never wanted her to have a wheel chair. When they said she'd never walk, I dreaded bringing home that tiny little chair. We have had a modified chair for years - but it looks like a giant umbrella stroller and is not so offensive. And people don't stare at it.

Now she has a chair.

Her left foot is causing her so much pain. The tendons are swollen and they can't straighten her foot at all. They couldn't cast it - the foot would contract in the cast and create pressure points cutting off circulation and killing the skin and possibly other tissue. She just needs off of it.
She can't use crutches because of her hand and arm weaknesses and a walker presents the same problems. So, they want her resting in a chir and they are calling the surgeons in Denver.

I know this is needed. But it is not liked.

This hideous wheeled beast needs to leave my home. My beautiful daughter is sitting in the lap of this black and metal intruder. My heart aches.

How does Ashley feel? God bless her heart - she loves it! She's mobile and fast and her foot's not hurting. She was thrilled to be fitted for the chair. I guess she's been hurting more than we realized.

God - help me. This is not a road we chose. I don't want to be here. I don't want my daughter to be here. Heal her. Please.


  1. God hears you and he cares. My heart breaks for you the mom. I'm sure it is painful to watch your daughter have to go down this path. Let her beautiful and positive attitude be a light and encouragement to you. She is definitely a beautiful little girl and I can see that that wheelchair will not hold her back. Nothing has before, why should this be different? She's a trooper and we love her. We love you to. Hang in there. We'll be praying for you.

  2. Kim, God is still in control. It is a time of trusting him still. HE just wants our faith in him to be evident and Ashley HAS that faith. She believes in him and trusts him so we must follow her leading. Remember as the song goes that Jason Crabb sings: He will take you through the fire again. We are never alone and you are a great mom. YOu have been a great teacher to your children now we just have to stand and see the miracles of God unfold before our eyes. Trust and obey for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus just to trust and Obey. love ya, Aunt Sharon

  3. Okay echoing the prayers. I also just want to encourage you that every time I look at Ashley I see this beautiful girl; I can not even see her disabilities.