Broken and Poured Out

I encourage the cast to "leave it all on the stage!" To allow themselves to be broken and poured out as a drink offering to Christ during the Passion Play.

We are not there yet - production is a week away. But I feel broken. In spirit. I am tired and weary and my body hurts. I feel poured out. What do I have left to give?

I pray that God pours into this broken vessel a fresh fire. A fresh wind. An annointing to give more.

I ask for the bloggers to pray for me.

It is hard for me to be transparent and ask for help. Tranparancy in the past has left me bleeding on an altar with wounds afflicted by the "holy." I was more hurt afterwards than before. And I am more than willing to give help but cannot ask for it.

But I need you all. I need healing. My joints and muscles ache. I cannot pick up a coffee cup without my arm hurting. Yet if I have my shoulder fixed, I will be unable to care for Ashley after her next shoulder. My heart is heavy for friends who are hurting and I am caring a feeling of "God you do it for others, why not us?"

Please pray for restoration.

Thankful Thursday

"In everything give thanks."

This is I know very well. But honestly, I feel horrible and can't make a thankful list. I could talk the talk and write what people might expect me to say. But that's not honest.

I don't have any complaints either so I think I will just "be" tonight. Be still. Stand still. Stand and see.

I can muster this:

I am thankful for . . .
. . .neighbors who can take the kids to school when you're sick
. . .husbands who make breakfast each morning
. . .piano teachers who drive students home
. . .Autumn taking Ashley to school for me
. . .Autumn for bringing me a Diet Coke when I couldn't hold up my own head
. . .that Survivor started again tonight
. . .that I get to go back to bed in a little bit
. . .that Ashley brought home candy from her school party
. . .that I know great women who take care of each other
. . .that I know great men who take care of their great women

(Okay, I'm on a role now!)

. . .that I come from a long line of strong women
. . .that I know this sickness will soon end
. . .that God heals!
. . .that this has not settled in my chest
. . .that tomorrow, everyone is off from school and we can sleep in
. . .that my supervisor cares for us as individuals and not just numbers

I can sleep now. Sometimes the act of writing starts one to thinking and then thinking of God's blessings. And you then you see beyond your own pain.

Father God, thank you that I have the assurance that no matter how hard life gets, it's still a "light and temporary" affliction. I wish I could see how you see - not linear but globally. But I will trust in you now. Tonight I will rest in you and even now, I thank you for my health.